‘Trust the process.’ I often say this to clients during our first counselling session.
Because, unlike for example anti-depressants – which offer a tangible sense of intervention, a pill you can hold in your hand – there’s no physical object in therapy you can reach for and say ‘this is going to lift my mood and make things better.’
Instead, you trust the process of putting words to thoughts and feelings to begin making sense of them.
The impact talking in counselling can have is often life changing, positively impacting the life not just of the individual in therapy, but those around them.
It’s a relationship game changer and a comment I regularly hear in the counselling room is, ‘I wish I’d started therapy earlier.’
So how can talking actually help?
American psychologist Jonathan Shedler, a leading scholar in the field of counselling and psychotherapy, recently shared some useful bite-sized reflections that highlight how talking can help promote meaningful, long term change.
‘Words are powerful containers of emotion,’ he says, adding, ‘the process of putting thoughts and feelings into words transforms them.’
Breaking this down he continues…
- the spoken word brings thoughts and feelings into the light of day.
- it allows them to be processed in a different way and be integrated into the broader fabric of one’s experience and identity.
- where previously our responses were automatic (unconscious) or experienced as routine, talking brings thoughts and feelings increasingly under our conscious control, so expanding freedom and choice.
- the newfound clarity opens a door to solutions, healing and a way of living previously invisible to us.
- spoken words create relational connection with another human around experiences once suffered in a state of isolation and aloneness.
- putting words to emotion draws on attachment’s natural role in helping us regulate feelings, connect with others and soften emotional pain.
- it helps individuals tap into their own previously dormant strengths and reserves, unlocking new pathways for emotional healing and growth.
Shame cannot survive the spoken word – Brené Brown
One of the most debilitating and painful emotions we can experience as humans is shame. It can shape how individuals see themselves and relate to others.
It targets our sense of self, often causing individuals to feel unworthy or fundamentally flawed. It fuels isolation and contributes to issues like anxiety, depression and difficulty forming trusting relationships.
But it’s striking how frequently profound change occurs in counselling once individuals start talking in a safe setting about the shame they’ve been carrying around, often for years.
‘Shame craves secrecy, silence, and judgment,’ Brené Brown says, “But it cannot survive the spoken word.’
On numerous occasions I’ve seen the powerful affects of shame being brought into the open.
Through separating shame from your identity, you can feel like a completely different person, like the weight of the world has been lifted.
Trust the process
Talking therapy isn’t just about venting or problem-solving— it’s about finding your voice and seeing yourself with new clarity. As words are spoken and stories shared, new understanding takes shape, hope begins to emerge and change can begin.
So if you’re wondering whether putting words to thoughts and feelings can really help – find your safe space and trust the process.
If you are interested in starting counselling, you can email me on andywestoncounselling@gmail.com
More information about me can be found, here.