One of the reasons I put an emphasis on a client-led approach to therapy is to give clients a felt sense of control.

The more a power balance shifts towards them, the more likely therapy will work.

I tell clients before we begin working together that I will not offer advice, solutions or give my opinion.

I’m not a teacher or an educator in the room. It’s the clients who educates themselves, on themselves.

I help them work through issues and figure things out for themselves.

Yes I may empathically point clients in a certain direction, challenge them or look to explore certain areas which I feel could be useful.

But ultimately, I help give clients that felt sense of control.

This, often new sensation, can be where a lot of the therapeutic work is. Feeling in control as you educate self, on self, can be really empowering and confidence building. And don’t you always feel better when you work things out for yourself?

During therapy, clients can also come to the realisation that they have been (or are being) controlled in relationships.

For others, this is already obvious.

Being controlled, consciously or unconsciously, can be debilitating. You lose all sense of, and confidence in, self.

It can impact your sense of worth and self-esteem. You may doubt your thoughts, feelings and decision-making. Shame and self-blame frequently sets in.

You simply can’t trust yourself and, heartbreakingly, may believe you don’t deserve to be loved.

Breaking free from a controlling relationship is not easy, particularly for those who have been emotionally and/or physically abused.

But, if freed, it can be life-changing.

Discovered through therapy, newly acquired self-awareness, that felt sense of control I mentioned, as well as an understanding of how you interact with, and are treated by, others can start a process of profound change.

The controlled can become the controller of self, as you break a negative, destructive controlling cycle and it’s impact.

And, eventually, you fully re-connect with your true, authentic, whole self – the process of which started within a safe, therapeutic space.

If you are interested in starting counselling, you can email me on

More information about me can be found, here.

Related blog, below.